Most people have more than one version of themselves inside. We have our rational minds – the part of us that’s calm, logical and conscious of reality, and then we have our ego – the self-preserving, survival-based irrational mind that is mostly based in emotion (feelings) rather than fact. Emotions like anger, frustration, disdain, jealousy and fear are just a few of the feelings that can trigger our ego to jump in and take over. While social pressures and societal standards incentivize us to be on our best behavior, our egos can still flare up in public, around others and yes, even at work. Humans have egos in part for survival purposes, but in current times, it doesn’t feel that way. We go to work to perform our duties and take home our pay, but that doesn’t stop us from being humans as we do it. Today, we discuss managing egos at work, specifically by deciphering the hidden meaning behind what egos are really saying.
A Quick Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or medical professional. I am extremely interested in the topics of psychology and behavioral studies. I’ve also worked in project management for many years, where I’ve worked amongst or managed a wide variety of personality types. I am writing this article to discuss what I’ve learned about my own ego and ego-based tendencies, along with what I’ve discovered after having my own anecdotal life experiences.
Sigmund Freud’s Id, Ego & Superego Vs. Modern “Ego”
According to Freud (via Simply Psychology), there are three version of ourselves inside all of us:
Id: Unconscious Primitive Instinct That’s “…Illogical, Irrational & Fantasy-Oriented”. Responsible For Pleasure Seeking, Libido & Aggression. The Id Seeks What’s Best For Itself. When This Is Denied, The ‘Id’ Produces Negative Emotions.
Ego: The Ego Essentially The Translator Between Our ‘Id’ And The World Around Us. The Ego Is Aware Of Societies’ Rules & Expectations. The Ego Is Also A Primitive Adaptation That Goes Back To Tribal Times. The Ego Is Also Pleasure-Seeking And Pain-Avoiding. In Turn, The Ego Uses Logic & Reason To Seek Out What It Wants, Rather Than Pure Instinct.
Superego: The Superego Develops In Early Childhood. According To Freud, The Superego Has Two Components To It – The Conscious & Ideal Self. The Conscious Is Responsible For Keeping The Ego & Id In Check Via Guilt & Other Feelings – Essentially, The Conscious Monitors & Even Punishes Us For What Our Ego & Id Do. Our Ideal Selves Are An Internal Concept We All Have Of How We Should Be. If We Measure Up, We Feel Proud. If We Don’t Measure Up, We Feel Shame, Unworthiness & Other Bad Feelings. Again, Our Superegos Develop In Childhood – A Negative Childhood Experience Will Manifest Itself Throughout Our Lives.
In modern times, we use the term ‘ego‘ differently than what Freud’s model refers to. We use the word ego synonymously with self-esteem, confidence, arrogance, attitude and more. Ironically, the behavior we associate with ego is more likely stemming from Freud’s concepts of the id, the conscious and the ideal self, as opposed to the ego.
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Managing Egos At Work: Common Emotions & Underlying Causes
Now that we’ve given a little background on the psychology of ego, let’s talk about the ego in the workplace. More specifically, how ego manifests itself in the workplace. We’ll focus on two ways that egos appear in the workplace and how we should go about managing egos at work, relative to the root-cause of where these emotions come from:
- Insecurity & Inferiority
- Narcissism & Superiority
In the following paragraphs, we’ll discuss both of these types of “ego”, where they come from, how to respond to these feelings in others (if we’re managing them) and how to handle these feelings when we feel them ourselves.
How To Manage Insecure People At Work
What is ‘security’? In a secure home, we feel safe from intruders. If we’re secure in a car, we feel protected from potential harm. In life, we feel secure when we’re not at risk of disruption or loss. In any case, insecurity stems from fear of potential negative events that would put us at risk.
At work, insecurity can stem from many things. We may fear losing our job because we aren’t good enough. We might dread the idea of a smarter, more popular person replacing us or ‘taking over’ in some way. We may be afraid of someone else “dominating” us. Personal insecurities can also make their way into work life, too.
Deep down, insecure people are afraid of rejection and loss – whether it be real or perceived.
When we are managing an insecure person, it’s important to keep these things in mind:
- They’re Sensitive. The slightest criticism may seem huge in the eyes of an insecure person. It’s important to recognize that the way we speak to insecure people is just as significant as the actual information we need to tell them.
- They Need Reassurance. As outwardly confident as a secure person may seem, they’re constantly feeling like they aren’t good enough. Pointing out the good things they do helps offset criticisms and other potential negative comments.
- They’re Reacting To Their Perception, Not To Reality: People who constantly feel insecure or inferior see the world entirely through the lens of these emotions. Their internal dialogue will reflect their feelings, not reality.
Here are a few things we can keep in mind if we feel insecure or inferior ourselves:
- Things Exist On A Spectrum: When feeling insecure, it’s easy to see the world in black-and-white terms. People are better at certain things and worse at others.
- The World Will Not End: Even if our fears come true and someone is ‘better’ at work than us, or if we are fired – we’ll be fine.
- Success Is Subjective: You may lose out on a promotion to another coworker, but BOTH of you are doing significantly better than people who have very little, who work dead-end jobs or who wish they had a job as good as yours.
- Reconciling Our Insecurities Is OUR Responsibility: Our peers and coworkers aren’t responsible for making us feel worthy – we are. It’s important to look within and identify exactly where our insecurity comes from.
How To Manage Narcissistic People At Work
Do you know someone who is in love with themselves? It’s quite possible that they’re a narcissist. While we may not be working with a full-blown narcissist, it’s necessary to know the signs of a person with narcissistic traits. Here are a few symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, via Mayo Clinic:
- An Inflated Sense Of Self-Importance
- Requiring Constant Admiration
- Hyperfocused On Success, Power & Beauty
- Looking Down On & Belittling Those They See As Inferior
- Unwilling Or Unable To Accommodate The Needs Of Others
- Need To Feel Like The Winner
According to the Mayo Clinic article linked above, narcissism begins in childhood. Interestingly, kids can grow up as narcissists from excessive praise as a child, but also from excessive criticism. Both of these treatments put emphasis on the comparing the individual to others.
Obviously, managing a personality like this presents challenges. The person in question may even feel and act as though they’re superior to YOU! In the workplace, this is not going to work well. While you may not be able to change a narcissist, you can force their hand in the workplace. Here’s what to do instead:
First off, emphasize teamwork and the interests of the group. By emphasizing teamwork, you’re simultaneously doing a few things:
- You’re letting everyone know they all have importance. Other coworkers notice the narcissist’s intentions without a doubt. They’ll feel refreshed to see everyone get praise, rather than just the narcissist.
- The narcissist will realize that they’re not going to be the sole star of the show. They need recognition, so a team environment will give the narcissist no choice but to get praise from their peers through contributing.
Additionally, it’s important to praise the narcissist – when they deserve it. While this applies to work performance, it applies even more to seeing the narcissistic person behave well – giving credit to others, working in a team and generally not getting under the skin of their peers.
Lastly, it’s important to be the narcissists’ ally. By ally, I don’t mean be their personal friend or enabler. They need to trust you. By trusting you, they’ll actually start to see your point of view as valuable. This includes times when they act in a selfish or inappropriate manner. If they trust you and you give them feedback, they’ll actually believe it – otherwise, criticisms or disagreements will be rationalized by the narcissist as jealousy or inferiority that you must feel.
If you suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it’s best to seek professional help. If you have narcissistic traits, though, consider the points above and how others are affected by your actions. Try to identify where your feelings originate from – they very well could stem back to childhood.
In Summary
At work, keeping productivity in full-swing and hitting deadlines is hard enough. When we mix in human emotions and needs, we run into even more challenges. The human ego is normal and natural, but can cause us to act in an irrational and emotional way. Working as a manger means we need to maintain progress and performance while navigating the difficulties of an individual person’s ego-based tendencies. I hope this article has provided some eye-opening information about managing egos in the workplace, along with some helpful tips for managing a big ego at work! Thanks a lot for reading.
